When individuals have experienced emotional pain once, their inclination to fully embrace love the next time is often diminished. They develop distinct boundaries, concrete limits, and heightened expectations. The second foray into a relationship typically occurs when someone invests substantial effort to cultivate a sense of safety, effectively drawing them into that emotional connection. This pattern holds, unless, of course, they have actively addressed and worked through their underlying traumas or past experiences.
In essence, engaging in a first relationship with someone scarred by previous hurt often results in a predominantly one-sided experience of love. While the other person undoubtedly contributes effort to sustain the relationship, any misstep or breach of boundaries becomes a mental notation for them. It transforms the relationship from an embodiment of love into a contractual arrangement, designed to elicit happiness. As you navigate this dynamic, any mistake on your part, inevitable as it is due to human nature, is meticulously cataloged. It ceases to be an expression of love for them; instead, it morphs into a contractual obligation.
Inevitably, the cumulative effect of repeated missteps prompts their departure. If they return, it's not a testament to their desire to be with you or an expression of love—they return because of the relentless effort you've invested in persuading them to stay. It's not rooted in genuine affection but rather a response to the persistent allure you've created. In this illusion, it might have felt like love, but the reality is that your love served as a comforting balm, particularly when their happiness was evident.
