Since returning from Delhi, I have felt a strange yet unpleasant sense that you are slipping away from me. The pain of your absence and the memories we shared are all I have left. My love for you and stubborn refusal to let go keep me holding on, hoping against hope that you will come back one day.
I know I should try to move on, but instead I cling to the thought that if you do return, I must become a better person worthy of your love. I want so badly to improve myself and be strong enough to mend my broken heart. But the journey ahead seems terribly long, and doubt creeps in that I may not be able to pick up the pieces.
Still, I will keep trying, even when it feels overwhelming. Persistence is what's needed to move forward. As long as I make an effort each day, there remains a chance you will come back to me. I long for that day and the opportunity to show you I can be the partner you deserve.
Revisiting Our Memories in Delhi
When I recently revisited the places we used to frequent together in Paharganj, where we first stayed during our early meetings, it initially felt quite normal. Maybe I was preoccupied with the purpose of my visit. While a slight sense of missing you lingered as I arrived in Delhi, exhaustion kept it at bay.
As I wandered Paharganj, where we first stayed, everything began making me feel uneasy. But as I accepted that things would remain as they are now, I realized facing the pain was the only way to ease it. I started to feel normal again.
Visiting Delhi twice after our separation has shown me that it wasn't the city itself I missed or felt nostalgic about from spending so much time there. What had been bothering me all this time was the closeness we shared in Delhi - the ability to reach you anytime, the availability of your presence. Hearing the name Delhi or Haryana after we parted invoked a strange pain I'm now beginning to identify. It's the inability to be near you when I'm in Delhi that causes me distress.
In Paharganj, I revisited the spots we went together - eating bati chookha where we first tried it and getting a blueberry mojito from the place beside it. Though tinged with longing for you to be there too, I managed alright.
I realized such memories will slowly fade over time if I simply accept things as they are now. Trying too hard to avoid our past will only be painful. By going with a purpose, focusing on that, I can handle the nostalgia when it emerges during travels to our old places. Bit by bit, it is getting easier to be in Delhi without you.
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