After my breakup
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After my breakup, I used to blame my girlfriend, and there was so much anger in me towards her and a lot of hurt. However, as time passed, I realized more and more that things were meant to be, that everything was predetermined, and that neither she nor I had any control over it.
Galti tumhari thi hi nahi, har cheez pehle se nischit thi. Mujhe na tumse koi dushmani hai, na koi bair hai, na tum par koi gussa hai. Main tumse ab bhi pyaar karata hoon aur mujhe kisi baat ka dukh bhi nahi hai. Main samajh chuka hoon ki ye jo hamara sharer hai, ye jo hamara mann hai, mind hai, isko ek had tak cheezein prabhavit karti hain, iske andar limitations bani hui hoti hain ki yeh cheez nahi honi chahiye, yeh cheez toh bilkul nahi honi chahiye, yeh cheez hui toh main mar jaaunga, aisa hua toh kaise kaategi zindagi, aur phir jab woh saari cheezein ho jaayein toh mann in sab se mukt ho jaata hai, aazaad ho jaata hai, phir uske andar ki seemayein khatm ho jaati hain, bhay khatm ho jaata hai. Aur jaisi hi bhay khatm hota hai woh mukt ho jaata hai. Dard ek samay tak hi hota hai jab tak ki hamara mann use pakadke baitha rehta hai. Ek baar manne un sabhi cheezon ko jaane diya jisne use dukh pahunchaya tha, waise hi dukh, peeda ya gussa ya koi bhi aisa bhaav jo hamein santushti ya shaanti se door karta hai wo chala jaata hai. Traumas asli hote hain aur hona bhi chaahiye kyunki woh aise ghatnayen hoti hain jinhe hamara dimaag kabhi jaane nahi deta jab tak ki use sahaara na mil jaaye aur traumas sahaare ke through hi jaate hain. Bas cheezein aise hi chal rahi hain mere saath, aur sahi bhi chal rahi hain.
hamare haath mein kuchh hota bhi nahi, hamein lagta hai khel hum khel rahe hain jabki khel parameshwar khel raha hota hai. aur tumhari jagah mein bhi hota to main bhi yahi sab karta shayad, kyunki maine abhi wo swaad chakha nahi hai, safalta ka swaad kya hota hai mujhe pata hi nahi hai. aur jo cheez mujhe pata hi nahi hai main kaise keh sakta hun ki main us cheez ko chakh kar kaise vyavhaar karunga ya koi bhi kaise vyavhaar karega. abhi mujhe hi achank safalta mil jaaye to bahut had tak mumkin hai main waise hi vyavhaar karta.
aur jo bhi tumne kaha mujhe ussey koi samasya nahi hai, sab satya hi to kaha, satya hi tha, ussey kya muh modhna. aur tumhara gussa hona lajmi tha, gusse mein kathor shabd bolna bhi lajmi tha.
Maine jitna bhi tumko samjha hai, utna hi maine khud ko bhi samjha hai, jin cheezon ke liye main khud ko dukh deta tha, maine wo tyaag diya hai. Mujhe lagta tha sab meri galti hai. Par jo bhi hua ya hota hai, uska kaaran sirf is cheez se nahi tay hota hai ki past mein kya hua, uska kaaran is cheez se bhi tay hota hai ki tum vartamaan mein kya soch rahe ho, kya samajh rahe ho, kya karam kar rahe ho. Kyunki samay to kuch hai hi nahi, samay to ek matra shunya hai, samay to mukt hai, bandhak to humne usey bana rakha hai. Hum sochte hain kal woh hua tha, parso woh hoga par yeh sab hamari soch hai, jis prakaar se hum dhara mein bahenge, hamaara pichla aur aage sab ek samaan ho jaayenge agar tum aaj khush prateet karte ho to tum pahle bhi sukhi maane jaoge aur aage bhi sukhi maane jaoge, bas tum is waqt kaise jee rahe ho wo tumhe apne prakaar se samajhna hai
