Before this year ends, I wanted to say sorry to you. I am sorry for everything wrong I did to you, for all the hurt I caused you, for all the lies I told you, for every time I tried to keep you in the shadow. I am sorry for the time when you cried in that metro, then in that hotel, to the times when I completely ignored you. The phase when I started engaging in substance abuse and completely indulging in activities that were the worst. I did say sorry to you multiple times, but this one is personal, sincere, and I truly felt sorry.
In these days of solitude, I have realized how much hurt I caused you before you left me with no choice. I know things don't matter now; the time we completely stopped talking, I did clarify many things to you. Maybe you read the messages, maybe you didn't, but in them, there was the truth.
Now, I am improving. I realized how much I used to lie, and I've worked on that. I mean, really, lying isn't an option; it only makes things worse. Being dishonest with others is being dishonest with ourselves, and that only gives us misery, not an escape. I am true to everyone now, whether it's my family, friend, a stranger, or anyone, and I feel good about it.I have realized many things, and one of them is that I started lying to you because I was afraid of breaking your expectations from me. In that whole relationship, I only tried to do one thing, and that was being an ideal partner for you. You expected very nice and good things from me, and when I got a lot scared of it, I started escaping reality because I thought I am aligned according to your expectations. I understood your expectations because I was your happy and safe place, and it's normal to be very concerned about it. Maybe you didn't have many expectations, but I misunderstood that you did, and I think it's also not my mistake. I started lying when I started being different, and my actions didn't match the expectations of yours, which I thought were present, not being sure of it.
I have felt remorse for a long time now, and maybe I will continue to do so. With this new year, I wish you a very happy life with great people who will encounter you. May you heal and keep growing. Happy New Year.
